Today my last child moved out. So I guess this is the part where I get to take off all of my clothes and run around my house naked, right? Wrong. Why is that the first question people ask when you tell them you’re going to be an empty nester? I can’t think of anything at all that would cause me to run around my house naked, except if my house was on fire and I was in the shower. Even then I’d have the sense to grab a towel!
People also say, “Just think, you can make love every day and scream as loud as you want.” If you’ve been following my posts, that comment makes my hair curl, for a couple of reasons. First, what makes you think I WANT to make love every day? Second, who said I’m a screamer? Moving on.
Then there’s some friends who have said, “Now you can eat whenever and whatever you want.” Excuse me? I’ve pretty much always eaten whenever and whatever I want. Look, I’m the Mom, I went through a combined 50 hours of labor, I get to cook what I want and eat when I want. Serving breakfast at 11:00 a.m.? Why of course! Dinner at 9:30 p.m.? My house, my rules. My kids are incredibly flexible today. I’d call that exceptional parenting.
When I was doing some research on empty nesters, I found a number of pictures of people having fun and laughing and cuddling, etc. Spoiler alert: There is no magic glitter that is sprinkled after your kids move out that suddenly creates a euphoric relationship. If it wasn’t good before, it’s not going to be magical once you’re alone. Fortunately for me, the magic is still around.
If I am to be completely honest, I am a bit melancholy, but I also raised my kids to move out. I never said, “I’m going to have children so they can live with me forever!” that’s what spouses are for. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my children, but after 24 years it’s time to go do what I raised them to do, be self-reliant and change the world!
So now that the house is mine, what’s next? I certainly won’t be running around naked, I won’t be screaming at the top of my lungs after my 3rd love making session of the day (just shoot me). Instead, I will read a good book without interruption, I’ll make a pot of coffee that won’t be gone by the time I go to pour a second cup, and I’ll get to watch what I want on T.V. But wait, who am I kidding? I still have one of the biggest children left at home, my husband. I suppose one’s nest is never completely empty. That makes me happy.
Here’s to empty nesters everywhere!