The Big “V”

shooting vibrator jpeg

It took me three days just to get the courage to write this piece. I’m writing it because I said from the beginning this blog was to discuss things for women over 50 that seem taboo or simply not documented. I have to thank you all for providing such great feedback from my original piece on libido. It was incredibly insightful. As I was reading through the comments,  I noticed one came from a company…. an interesting company. O.K. I’ll just say it, a company that carries vibrators. My rearing causes blushing as I write this.  Little did I know this libido conversation was far from over. Oh the complexity of it all!

So here I am at 50 something and truth be told, I’ve never been introduced to Mr. V. Now I’m not so naive that I’ve never heard of a, ahem, a vibrator,  I just never felt there was a need. Not to mention me and battery operated things don’t get a long well. I’ll spare you the details.

So ladies, let’s discuss. What are your thoughts on this topic which I consider pretty taboo? I have friends that have used them. Some say every girl should have one while others say, it’s personal preference.  It was my understanding that God gave women and men two hands, one for pleasure and the other for wiping the sweat off the forehead, no?

I have done a bit of research.  I felt better knowing Hamilton Beach actually introduced the first electric vibrator in 1902. Something sounds so all American about that.  I couldn’t help but wonder what it was like before the electric models. Imagine battling a wire when you’re trying to have a moment. Further, we know what happens when water/moisture mixes with electricity. Many thanks to Hamilton Beach for sparing the awkward answer to the question, “How’d you burn your yourself?”

It’s been interesting to see the vast selection of Big “V”. Fascinating. I did find out they’re illegal in India and there are also bans in some southern states including Alabama. Interesting quote from a bioethicist and medical historian, Jacob Appel. “Sex toys are actually a ‘social good’ and the devices, ‘marital substitutes’, play “an important role in the emotional lives of millions of Americans.” Hmm. Well, he’s a bioethicist, surely that means that you won’t go blind if you use one. Not to mention I’m all about the social good.



I’m intrigued by the potential discussion, but not intrigued enough to be formally introduced to Big “V” but I am more than willing to listen to what you all have to say. I am but a student, an awkward student, but an enthusiastic learner.


Your student,



Libido Part Deux



Wow! Who would’a thought that the response to my previous post, “Libido. Gone but Not Forgotten” would have generated such interest.  Personally, topics on life and libido past 50 are really hard to find and that particular topic even harder. (No pun intended).  You all had such great things to say, and some were surprising while others were basically saying my life is doomed and I need help. We could all use a little help, but the doomed part I have to disagree with. So let’s break the comments down, shall we?

It was great to learn that I am not alone in my libido limbo. In fact, the majority of women were dining on the same dish as moi.  Many felt that the post was long overdue and again a topic that seems to be passe for many.  I don’t know about your rearing, but my mother told me nothing other than babies come from God (A rather general statement and quite frightening when you’re 10). She was long gone before there was any talk on menopause so my information came from friends, which is always dicey and magazines which is dicier.  Suffice it to say, my menopause insight was as deep as my birds and bees insight.  I’m self taught and well, sometimes one needs affirmation.  Your responses affirmed that libido breakups happen and it’s not a bad thing, in fact it’s more of a natural process than not.

Some felt that my poor husband was like a 7-year old looking through the glass candy counter knowing that he’d never get a single bite. Not true. We just don’t have sex as often and my love for him is shown in different ways. He’s far from celibate, we have great communication, make each other laugh a lot and the sex does happen from time to time. Men are innately more randy than women because they’ve been programmed to procreate whenever and however they can.  Ladies, a little more discriminating. I’m sure some will disagree and say that both are sexual and I think in the teens through 30’s that’s pretty true.  But I’m not discussing that time, I’m discussing where I am now and well, I asked my husband if he felt neglected and he said, “No, should I?” and smiled at me.  Libido is not love and love is not libido.  Therefore, I have to say for those that feel pity for my husband, he’s rotten spoiled and I adore him. Nuf said.

For those that are worried about me (God bless gal pals!) I am perfectly fine. You see I’m not sad that my libido has left the building, I just wish women would talk about it more and not fear that it means life as we know it is over. Quite the contrary.  Because sex isn’t on my radar 24/7, I have time for so many other wonderful things. As I referenced in my last post, I have such a great appreciation for things I never had time for previously.  I am significantly more proud of who I am as a woman, I laugh more than I ever have (often times at myself because it’s healthy) and I believe that the things that really, really matter have risen to the top, much like cream, whip cream. Wait, let’s find another metaphor, my glasses are steaming. (Remember, I said libido may be gone, not forgotten.)


Finally, there were some that felt if I needed a little libido lifting, reading a great romance, watching some soft porn might do the trick. Nothing like women to help out a gal. Much appreciated.

At the end of all of this is still me, us, women who should not be ashamed of what the media tells us is abnormal or what others tell us unless of course it’s negatively impacting our life.  My life has never been greater. My kids are grown, my husband and I love each other for the things that matter this time in life, humor, intelligence and honesty. No disrespect for those who still chalk sex up and super important, go you! For too long our society has made aging a negative thing.  The focus in on youth. I was young and I have no desire to revisit that time. I’ve worked very hard to get to this point in my life and quite honestly, there is no wrong or right, simply great discussions!  I am ever so grateful you all joined in the discussion, there’s so much left to talk about.


Together let’s embrace the change!