Libido Part Deux



Wow! Who would’a thought that the response to my previous post, “Libido. Gone but Not Forgotten” would have generated such interest.  Personally, topics on life and libido past 50 are really hard to find and that particular topic even harder. (No pun intended).  You all had such great things to say, and some were surprising while others were basically saying my life is doomed and I need help. We could all use a little help, but the doomed part I have to disagree with. So let’s break the comments down, shall we?

It was great to learn that I am not alone in my libido limbo. In fact, the majority of women were dining on the same dish as moi.  Many felt that the post was long overdue and again a topic that seems to be passe for many.  I don’t know about your rearing, but my mother told me nothing other than babies come from God (A rather general statement and quite frightening when you’re 10). She was long gone before there was any talk on menopause so my information came from friends, which is always dicey and magazines which is dicier.  Suffice it to say, my menopause insight was as deep as my birds and bees insight.  I’m self taught and well, sometimes one needs affirmation.  Your responses affirmed that libido breakups happen and it’s not a bad thing, in fact it’s more of a natural process than not.

Some felt that my poor husband was like a 7-year old looking through the glass candy counter knowing that he’d never get a single bite. Not true. We just don’t have sex as often and my love for him is shown in different ways. He’s far from celibate, we have great communication, make each other laugh a lot and the sex does happen from time to time. Men are innately more randy than women because they’ve been programmed to procreate whenever and however they can.  Ladies, a little more discriminating. I’m sure some will disagree and say that both are sexual and I think in the teens through 30’s that’s pretty true.  But I’m not discussing that time, I’m discussing where I am now and well, I asked my husband if he felt neglected and he said, “No, should I?” and smiled at me.  Libido is not love and love is not libido.  Therefore, I have to say for those that feel pity for my husband, he’s rotten spoiled and I adore him. Nuf said.

For those that are worried about me (God bless gal pals!) I am perfectly fine. You see I’m not sad that my libido has left the building, I just wish women would talk about it more and not fear that it means life as we know it is over. Quite the contrary.  Because sex isn’t on my radar 24/7, I have time for so many other wonderful things. As I referenced in my last post, I have such a great appreciation for things I never had time for previously.  I am significantly more proud of who I am as a woman, I laugh more than I ever have (often times at myself because it’s healthy) and I believe that the things that really, really matter have risen to the top, much like cream, whip cream. Wait, let’s find another metaphor, my glasses are steaming. (Remember, I said libido may be gone, not forgotten.)


Finally, there were some that felt if I needed a little libido lifting, reading a great romance, watching some soft porn might do the trick. Nothing like women to help out a gal. Much appreciated.

At the end of all of this is still me, us, women who should not be ashamed of what the media tells us is abnormal or what others tell us unless of course it’s negatively impacting our life.  My life has never been greater. My kids are grown, my husband and I love each other for the things that matter this time in life, humor, intelligence and honesty. No disrespect for those who still chalk sex up and super important, go you! For too long our society has made aging a negative thing.  The focus in on youth. I was young and I have no desire to revisit that time. I’ve worked very hard to get to this point in my life and quite honestly, there is no wrong or right, simply great discussions!  I am ever so grateful you all joined in the discussion, there’s so much left to talk about.


Together let’s embrace the change!


Introducing Meno Pause


A few years ago I turned 50. Ten years ago I started having hot flashes. Between my first hot flash ( I recently heard a woman refer to them as, “Your inner child lighting a match”) and turning 50, I’ve tried everything to alleviate the symptoms of menopause. To no avail.  Crazy thing is, for the most part I do all the right things. I exercise when I feel like it, I drink wine because I love it and I get plenty of sleep because I love it more than wine. Actually, wine and sleep have a very nice relationship. I digress.

As I make my way through the tilt-o-whirl of life, I’ve found that magazines, radio and internet don’t have a whole lot on the true experiences of menopause and aging in today’s world of perfection. I rarely read the raw truth about getting older and how it changes your life.  Had I learned from my mother that chin hairs were normal, boobs fall and stomachs dimple, I would have been much better prepared for this aging thing.

Given the ongoing surprises of aging, I thought I’d become a real time source for calling aging as I see it. The goal is to let women know that they’re not alone. We may not be able to stop aging but we can embrace the process.

For the record, at 53 1/2  I’m relatively healthy. But I sure wish I could have more conversations about the things that change as we age, some under our control, some without. I want to have conversations that not only talk about the changes in our body, but the changes in our life, all of it.

The saying, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is true, but there have been times over the last 50+ years, I didn’t want to be stronger.

I hope you will join me on this wild ride we call life, living and yes, aging.

Join me as I share the surprises that pop up or pop out, as my body and mind age. Let’s share stories that allow us to take the aging process less seriously and simply accept the changes. If we’re all in it together, it certainly makes the process more palatable. It’s always nice to know you’re not alone at a time when you can feel terribly alone. (Please tell me I’m not the only one who has ever found a hair growing out of their earlobe wondering how many people saw it before I did?)

I hope you’ll join me and share your stories and comments. Ladies, we’re all in this together and I look forward to being your buddy in the age of surprise!

Here’s to the age of surprise!

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