Libido. Gone but not forgotten.

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I can’t help but look back on the days when my husband and I were dating. Every chance we had we were in the throes of passionate love. O.K. I’ll call it what it is, oversexed 20-somethings. The great thing is that it was always mutual. If it wasn’t him instigating the tryst, it was me. I will confess, once when we were on vacation with the kids, we stole away to our car and well, you can guess what happened. And before you judge, my kids were old enough to be alone….with cartoons on…..with a bribe….it was brilliant.  I look back on that time and smile and then there’s a freeze frame and a voice over and it’s me, “My how quickly those years pass and libido shifts.”

So ladies, the truth of the matter is I’m in my 50’s and my libido is shot, kaput, absent, finished spent. No, don’t say it’s fading, it’s a complete blackout. Am  I the only one that feels that way? Don’t get me wrong, when my husband rubs my back or kisses me on the cheek I love that, but only that. It’s all I need. But if I even make one move to insinuate I want more, it’s all over. The sweet rub on the back manages to find it’s way around to my boobs. At which point I turn around and say, “Really?”  Then I feel bad, for a brief moment.

The question then becomes, where did the big L go?  It’s like my libido was traded in for a renewed zest for life. Friendships are deeper, hobbies are pursued more passionately and time in the shower is spent well , washing my hair, cleaning my body and that’s it, done. If there was an agreement made re; my libido way back when, I wasn’t privy to it.  Either way, I’m here, libido free unless I have a couple of hours to rev up the motor. Quite frankly, and we’re being perfectly frank right? I’d rather be reading a good book. You?

So this is the time in life that was never discussed. Whoever would have thought that a young woman with a very healthy sex drive would be writing an article 30 years later about, hasta la vista libido. Well, I never would have thunk it, that’s for sure.  And there’s certainly pressure on to keep that libido rocking. Check out all the  TV ads for guys to call all hands on deck to hoist the sail via a little blue pill.   Is it me or is the way those guys look at the women they’re with a little creepy? The ad says, “If symptoms last for more than 4 hours call your doctor.”  At that point they wouldn’t be calling the doctor for him, it would be for me. Honestly, my worst nightmare.

There’s also pressure (I consider it more of a nuisance) from Hollywood to maintain youth in all aspects, including that sexual appetite. What happens if we don’t? Men seek out younger women. Whatever.

I suppose we do need to consider our significant other.  Sure, I’ve talked about it and reassured him that my love for him is no less, just my sex motor has burned out and that model no longer exists, sorry, no fixing it.  He knows I love and adore him, and I certainly do my best to compromise from time to time.  I truly believe it is simply part of life’s transitions. We find other ways to show our love for each other. I am a believer in the theory that libido is for procreation.  Over it.

But the whole point of this blog is to discuss this topic which is rarely discussed, the fact that libido wanes, but we don’t. Dropped libido isn’t a death sentence, it’s simply an opportunity to re-prioritize.  Maybe discussing libido, or lack thereof is inappropriate. (I’m in my 50’s now, I don’t care) Maybe women still aren’t comfortable discussing it, maybe it’s just me and I’m a pathetic libido free woman, or maybe you agree that the media makes us believe that sex should be hot and heavy until you drop dead (assuming that’s in your 90’s).

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Just like the song, “To every season turn, turn turn,” I believe to every age there is a season and with that comes change. I choose to roll with the change and know that my partner in love takes me with the good and the bad as I do with him. Either way, there’s so much positive at this stage of life that if libido is the only thing I’m missing, I think I’ll be o.k. and so will my hubby. The circle of life in all its libido free splendor.

 

Signed,

 

Meno